awkward sentiments.

Make me a perfect sentence that encapsulates everything you feel.
Because all I have are a string of words, punctuated by comma's where they do not belong.

Halcyon days make you believe you're drenched in bliss,
even after you're convinced yesterday's scent is permanent.

I stand and feel disheveled.
But I am told I have not used the word correctly.
It reminds me of Quintin & Margo.
Of Paper Towns

Of not wanting to be where you are.
Of wishing you didn't do what you did and wishing maybe you still had the friends you were so determined to lose.
Or the friends you had, and let slip away.

I have realised that,
You cannot justify everything,
we do not live in a Deterministic universe
& despite the fact that I cannot wrap my head around what is happening,
I embrace the feeling,
Because waiting for it to fade and wishing it were a phase,
Would mean suppressing the only good thing I have.

But I am pretty sure this is all in my head.
And I am blessed with so many other beautiful things,
My family. And I would never want to disappoint them.
I can't do it.
I would be trading two very different types of happiness,
the one that exists and the one that lives only within the confines of my mind,
but tries too hard to break free.

There has yet to be a person in my life, that has made boundaries obsolete.
The truth is, I feel distance and disconnection.
Yet I hold on to the frayed end,
I hold on to the idea, that this could be a possibility.

----


The zephyr likened to a spring day.

We are all just floating.
Waiting for the perfect zephyr to carry us.
Far away.