How close is close enough?

Everything has been so bland. There's a fortress around my heart. And for the tenth time I'm admitting that I fall in love with ideas not people. Ideas latch on to the walls of my mind, and the more adhesive they become the more hungry I get to turn these ideas into something tangible.

For the sake of my sanity, I really do hope I get to go to the Philippines. I really need a change of atmosphere. I at first resolved that I'd go nowhere, that I'd stick to studying and hanging out with friends at local haunts during the summer. But I figured that that isn't possible.

I'm kind of scared that I'll be traveling all by myself. I imagine being on a plane for eight hours by myself, sitting next to complete strangers and occupying myself with my iTouch-although I don't think I could resist talking to the currently non existent strangers.For example yesterday I saw a kid with a pet bird on his shoulder and as uncanny as it was I couldn't help but smile at him. Also sometimes I feel obliged to smile at people that walk past me, just to be polite and neighborly.

So I'm decisive now. I want to go. I want to get away. This is me falling in love with another idea. But I figure if I go it would be good, kind of like Lena going to Greece. I'm not betting on meeting a Kostos. I don't really care for boys. I'm apathetic at the moment because I end up just hating myself for ever liking anyone when they let me down. And trust me- I've been let down quite a bit.

I've had enough of high maintenance people who require constant attention and acquire instant gratification through moping around. People who chose not deal with the consequences and try to attain happiness by dragging everyone else down to their level of shitness. This has become a rant. But I'm through with people who are all talk no action.