custard tarts

I'm missing out on school for the first time this year.
I'm totally bummed about it because i could go and leave school early- but it would mean a lot of travelling and independence.
So i'm just going to stay at home- and follow my time table. Which is extra nerdy, but i don't like the feeling of lazing around when i know i should be doing something productive.

Then i'll catch the bus to Liverpool with my mum, and the train to the city, to get to the University of Sydney.
I'm really excited. I have this map, and my big sister who goes there drew all over it- so i can get to the right place.

News/ factoids/ meaningless information.
We're getting artificial grass at our school, because the grass right now is non existent/two blades- thanks to the drought.

I found a new seat in modern history, there's a banksia outside and these birds i don't know the names of eat it. It's so cool, reminds me of the documentaries i used to watch in year 8 about pollenation.

We watched a jesus video for religion. I fell asleep.I love jesus, not the video. On the walk to the bus stop Cameron told me about the stuff he was discussing during the jesus video. It made me laugh. Anywho- i think i acquired wrong information from the jesus video, because everytime i sleep through a movie or a tv show- i'll hear whatever is being said, but i'll totally end up dreaming about it and making my own story up. So i don't trust myself, can't say i learnt anything new.

I swear one day i'll understand Mr. Chemistry teacher's jokes. But maybe if i did understand i wouldn't laugh as much.

I was really quiet today. I wasn't planning on it, but no one could really understand what i was saying, "What?" "OMG! you have a lisp"
No i don't!
stupid braces.


Okay i'm going to drink milk and read a book.
sleeping late.
good morning. 36 days till All Time Low.



Wait. I totally had the weirdest dream.
I went cardigan shopping around the world.
New York was very disappointing. It was all hobboville- and i was looking forward to it (well at least in my dream).
I went to Vienna, my immagination conjured olgaville.
Can't remember the other places i went to.
But to get to places, all you needed to do was a catch a train.

Maybe its a sign. New cardigan!

Cry on the couch all the poets come to life

The thing with me is that i'm scared.
If it's a matter of saying what i think, i'm aware that it may be rejected- i'm afraid what i'll say will be turned over and over in someone else's mind, criticised in the same manner someone else's views are considered in my mind.

When there's pressure, i have a difficult time managing my stress. I dislike it when i'm out of my comfort zone, but i'm constantly thrusting my self into situations i'm uneasy about. It's not a matter of peer pressure, i don't give in that easliy, it's a matter of me making the right decisions.

Self doubt ebbs and manages to be revived.
I wish it would go away.

I want to be a chameleon to:
a. Hide when i want
b. Enhance my adapting skills
c. Allow my comfort zone to follow me wherever.

But i know that's the easy way.
I'm not going to take the easy way.

Chronology

yesterday's event (failed to blog about- not that anyone cares)

Alicia's week early birthday party.

It was a cutesy party, just the right amount of people. When not many people had arrived we watched the Circles- All Time Low video ( Alicia pointed out Alex's black finger nails). Zac's hair was very mop-esque. Everyone was in transit, in the midst of the emo phase.


We ate lunch. I had the exact same food as cwizzy :)
Dom had a go at the piniata. geez i can't spell, he ended up breaking the stick in two ahahaha!
Then we played pictionary, Alicia could decipher my alligator ! i totally sucked at drawing.

I had to leave early, to get to work. So i didn't get to watch Alicia completely cut the cake.

I walked around the mall, went to the book section of Big W. Made a mental note to get Kite Runner. And read a few good pages on a good book, which i forget the name of.

I spent a good twenty minutes in the confectionary aisle at woolworths, and did not buy anything.

I spoke to Danielle, Corinne and Mariah at work. ANZAC day made the store all busy. Then when Mariah left, we ate rollers. ahaha Nacho Cheese one's. Then i went to the toilets to change.
And came back, Mariah was still there.
I clocked on, and Danielle and Corinne didn't want to leave me alone, ahaha so they worked for a couple of extra minutes.

Then it went downhill and semi-uphill from there.

i hate my self because i trust people and they let me down.
i hate my self because i'm way too emotional, i'm sensitive- to the extent that the people that don't know me well, have a hard time understanding this.
I spiralled down today.
I don't know if i cried because of that single incident, or this single incident was a catalyst.
I contained all my emotions, they were too confined.
I was crying in the cool room.
But I feel better now. I really wanted my friends to be there- at that moment.
someone to just cry on.
Its amazing how you can lift yourself up.

I'm going to listen to the people that know me.
Based on precedent this is a good way to go.
But i'm feeling better. All i needed was a genuine apology. And the great thing was- when i came home, i could tell someone. Alicia wasn't there....but all of a suddenly i found it easy to talk to Cameron. He could relate. We find that at times we're forced to be at places where we just don't belong. He reassured me that my sensitivity makes me me.

rant-esque post.

I really want to go back to school but i know i might regret saying this when i'm actually at school.
I was at work today. It went for-freaking-ever.
I came at 11am. And for about two hours, when there were no customers i debated with zac. He just can't seem to accept that Harry Potter pawns Twilight in every aspect. I put up a good argument, but then he kept simplifying it. John was on Zac's side, but nevertheless i'd say i won, because i've actually read both series' and watched all the movies. I told zac he was ignorant and then he kept changing the subject.
Having this argument made me realise how fired up i'd get when someone would make that comment. But lately i've been apathetic, who cares what other's think really. Its just an opinion.

Well this leads me to my next topic.
People just follow the status quo, and are always conforming.
In case i'm blamed for being a hypocrite i'll just name two examples. My friend before thought Alex Gaskarth was ugly, when i showed her pictures at school last year. Then like two weeks later she has Gaskarth on her MSN display name.
Then i asked her about it, and she's like 'my friends think he's hot, and i think he is too...well now at least"
I know its such a stupid thing to blog about, its just why can't you think for yourself!
And then there was that phase last year, where everyone wanted Air Forces.
Like omg. are you for real? why would you want to wear the same shoes that everyone else is wearing! i don't understand.
Please explain. ( I didn't mean that in a pauline hanson way)

regret.
the carelessness in the things that i do.

eat me

Ellen's twitter updates make me laugh.
I'm following the fake Nick Jonas. Because it makes me laugh.
I want to follow legit people, so i'll probably delete him sometime soon.
My updates are pretty senseless, i've realised how attatched i am to it. I feel the need to express my most ingenius thoughts- or my current actions on twitter.
It's craaazy.
I still don't know what's up with that Ashton Kutcher thing, someone share please.

I woke up so late today.


Mathematics beckons.

I need to tell Cameron something.
He's still at work, and i fear i'll forget it.


I post a lot.
Blah.
jdhjdjdydudyd

i've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar.

Studying for chemistry.
There are a bajillion syllabus dot points.
If i were to draw a picture of me right now, with all this study material around me it would look rather:
a. Hyperbollic ( Maybe exaggerated is a better word?)
b. Crap. Because i can't draw (but i can draw cute wonkitated animals- added features)

I've been eating a lot of ice cream and attempting to eat all the stuff i want to eat. Eating is just not the same.

It's freezing. I would live in my moo moo if i could.
I still want a moo moo like Rory Gilmore though!

Okay i totally googled all the options for the Extension English research task.
Half the books are screwed up. The book i wanted to do The God Of All Small Things is just plain JFGYUTRYRRHJ.
But i'm doing it.
Trips to Fischer library, or the State Library- they have a lot of critical readings on it.


Movie:
Three Colours Blue- total bore
Babel- interesting.
Little Fish: social context. LOl @ Cabramatta
Brick Lane: Sounds boring

i forget the rest.
Maybe Babel

1200 word essay

Modern History:
Reign of Terror or Teddy Roosevelt.
Heaps of choices, just can't decide.
2500 word essay.





Jasey Rae is on repeat.
June 5 ( hurry up, so Alicia will stop having dreams about Gaskarth and Jack! )

panadol and i are going to be bestfriends

back from the dentist.
sigh.
it was horrible. I couldn't even laugh @ the Everybody Loves Raymond rerun jokes.
The last tooth wouldn't come out. Then it got fractured.
An hour and thirty minutes and two dentists later it came out.
I have stitches, and my separators.
I don't even feel my separators. But i feel pain.
ahhhh
i might sleep this out

study essentials.

Cookies- The sugar coated, plain chocolate, choc chip variety

Coffee- Excessive amounts of sugar

Study Playlist- Notably The Postal Service
(Chariseey just told me they're one of Zac Efron's favourite bands. POOP you zac efron)
He's such a cutie in 17 again. Well from the trailers, i haven't watched the movie.
TPS, was one of my 'gate way bands' ( to use Emmanuel's terminology), back in year 8. sweet old days.

Beverly Eat World

Currently:

Typing up biology notes.

Itching to play some music. Itunes is open, and i know if i play music i'll end up dancing or singing along.

Playlist Play counts:
Alicia and i were sharing them.
She had I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me @ 69. I laughed out loud, we jynxed each other:
Beverly: How freaking fitting.
Alicia: HOW FITTING.

Immature? I didn't even know what the significance of 69 was till last year.
And i still don't fully understand whats so smirk/giggle inducing about it.


Call And Return- Hellogoodbye: 113
The Space Between- Valencia: 94
Poppin Champagne- All Time Low: 87
Dark Blue- Jack's Mannequin: 77 ( I went through a phase with this song)
Grand Theft Autumn- Fall Out Boy: 76
Dear Maria, Count Me in- All Time Low: 75
Collide- Howie Day: 73


Emo moments

What It Is To Burn- Finch: 8
A Boy Brushed Red Living In Black And White- Underoath: 11
You Are So Last Summer- Taking Back Sunday: 36.

Dance Moments

Guilty Pleasure- Cobra Starship: 49
The Way We Talk- The Maine: 36
Girls Do What The Want- The Maine: 42


okay i'm getting tired now. Back to biolololololology :)

Currently in love w/ this song:
For Me This Is Heaven- Jimmy Eat World.
Can you still feel the butterflies?

nincompoop.

you know what really annoys me?
when you're talking to someone.
msn or whatever, and the person you're talking to totally ignores whatever you have to say. They go on talking about themselves.
freaking self absorbed.
it happens frequently.
and i'm starting to feel like a drive thru box.

just quit it.

i'm totally redoing my resume.

Places i'd like to work:
Dymocks book store ( i told zac this, and he called me a nerd. He laughed for a good two minutes. Even when i told him it was pretty practical, the whole getting discounts on books- made him laugh even more) It seems right, i want that library then this job makes everything easier+ i could totally stop fantasising about living in Borders.
Borders
Some sort of pharmacy.

Places to avoid:
Restaurants
Anything involving food.
Jobs requiring snappy service. Like the two minute kind of service.

all these people are in love.

Lists are short and sweet.

Things to look forward to:

USYD Ceremony (April 30)

All Time Low Concert ( June 5)

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince (July 17- better come out that time, bitaches)

Valencia concert. ( No tour organised yet!)

Finishing this essay.


Things to not look forward to:

School ( thats if i haven't done all the stuff i need to do) ( April 28- Correct me if i'm wrong, i always throw out the newsletter when there's something important in it )

frolick

I like it like that. Those halycon days, where the layer of haze, the flickering sunlight and the non existent breeze, makes it feel like Sunday.

You can only drink the cans with dents on them, those are the unsellable ones. He gulped one down, and stashed two in his bag. Working has its benefits.

She was on the swing set when he arrived. She smiled, and he threw her a can. She caught it swiftly, this was all too well synchronised.
Sometimes they could sit in silence, but only beneath the casurina. There they would rip its needles into bits and remain in reverie. Cross legged but drifting. But often they'd find each other fighting for talking time. Laughing in the midst of serious talk, or even feigning serious talk.
Like a lengthy sunday and the smell of freshly mown grass, small things made a difference.
Gulping down the drink. She smiled and licked the foam moustache.


To be continued.
That's me procrastinating again.

You said everything would be okay

These troubles beckon companionship.
I set things straight
but even on the surface they crease.
Fold and tear...
Self destruct gradually but indefinitely
Till there is darkness,
Worse, than cataracts.. blinded by what binds you.
Then when the purple haze
When the golden gleam...
Grasps what isn't silver, what isn't perfect...
Everything will be rendered infalliable,
Its a promise.

condense.

I have just come back from Macarthur Square.
Campbelltown is so spacious! Albeit the parking, because it totally took us 30 minutes to get a spot.
Anyways we shopped for a bit. Before this though, we drove around the University of Western Sydney- which is where my brother goes. I love the University kinda feel, i really can't wait. But i want to go to the University of Sydney- Which is were my big sister goes. She totally loves it there, and i can't wait to go for my awards ceremony! (just to see the place and all, 30th of April beckons!)
I fell in love with a Hurley jacket.
Went to Borders and was disappointed- they did not have the new Maximum Ride.
Saw number 5 on the previous list, totally unexpected. ( i wanted to call Alicia up and all, but that was a bit much.. and its kinda ebbing plus Alicia was at the City)
I fell in love with a one thousand dollar telescope at Australian National Geographic. I totally want it, but i don't know where i'd put it, because we don't have a balcony or anything. Oh! and its not like i have a thousand dollars to spend on something novel.

So after all that falling in love, with various items we went home. I didn't buy anything, my big splurge happened on Monday, or was it Sunday?
I can't remember.

Also, whats with the haze? It doesn't look like photochemical smog, its kind of just making the blue sky look kinda ..light (sucky word choice)

i got lazy at the end. hence the wonkitated layout.

Top five. (according to Alicia and I)


1.Alex Gaskarth









Not very appropriate. But i'll take it.
























he's even cute as a cartoon. See above (blog header!)




















2.Brendan Walter









































3.John O'Callaghan

















4.Jack Barakat/ Aaron Johnson.
Undecided. I'm getting lazy.. googling and twittering and myspacing for all of these photo's.







5. Cough!
Oh, its a secret between us.
Dorkiest boy ever. My kinda guy. Smart

Crease.

I’ve memorised the contents of your letter.
The parts where you forgot to dot the I’s.
The lack of punctuation. The struggle to make sentences out of your emotions.
But I understood, beyond language, albeit your idiosyncrasies. How could I not have?
With the letter in my hand, and the words embedded permanently. I’m reading what isn’t there.

Each crease has a story, the tiny folds mouthing words.
Words that i cannot comprehend, cannot grasp at, do not know. But in the permeating white. I know of you.
This letter tells me everything.
This part here, that’s where you held the paper too tightly. This water logged edge, you spilled your coffee.
You're doing what you promised you wouldn't.

If time shifted to that first instance.
I walked slowly. You walked fast.
And there, we met.
And now. this barrier.
We're both walking fast, in different directions.
Hoping we could forget what we held so close. But knowing it won't ever work out.


Other boys they'd tell me
You aren't common. I hardly ever know what you're talking about. That song it ain't right

But you were different.
We were eccentrics. Under different canopy's.
Bike riding at noon, walking in the moonlight.
The gleam, the sparkle. The shadows that were never born.


This letter.
Parched.
I'm undecided, unconvinced.
You're
indecisive, half adamanant.

We are too alike.

when i was a kid

I use to think that you could send letters by putting things in your own mail box.
Whenever we went overseas i'd always make a mental note to check the colour of the sky and grass. (I'd always forget!)
I use to collect lady beetles, put them in jars and add blades of grass for them to eat.
Whenever my mum made me wear a dress i'd wear sneakers, or i'd remove the dress and wear something else. All the attempts were fruitless!
I would always write stories, but my illustrations would always be more effective at communicating it.
I drew on the walls.
I believed anything anyone said.



We were on the train yesterday, train scenery was very hobo.
All the towns looked the same, yeilding the same connotations.
Of being stuck.
And i thought Hey! i should compile a list of things i used to do when I was little.

There you go!

I finished my math holiday homework last night. Listening to All Time Low and Every Avenue at the same time :)
It makes everything a little more tolerable.

English essay- must do!

obssessing over stuff.

Obsessing over Every Avenue!


We went to the city today.
I got new sneakers, classic vans to be precise.
I'm currently obsessing over it. They're like the blue one's you can wear with anything.
Next time i'm going to buy the white lacoste one's.
Also i'm obsessing over my new pencil case that i bought at Smiggle. bahahaha i know right.
It says love someone its heaps cutesy, very indie too.


I'm being indecisive. We're renovating the study and there's a big shelf..waiting to be filled with books. But i don't wanna move my books there, because that will mean my current bookself will be useless.
I'll just let my sister and brother fill it up with their Uni text books.



arrivederci!

revenge of the bourbon man.

He just keeps coming back.
Same horrible stench. Dialogue just like before.


I know i shouldn't judge this man or anyone else for that matter, but he's either anti-world or he's got a disease-that has rendered him obnoxious and absolutely incapable of remembering to wash himself.
I'm not being mean. I treat him like every customer, and when he totally freaked because he didn't get his twister toasted, i didn't swear under my breath.
I understand he's got issues, he loves complaining, torturing....
He hates the world. I get it.
But what makes people this way?
I've been reading The Great World. It provides a peep hole for understanding individuals. There are experiences that shape people, that we don't know of, that we fail to see or guess at- if it isn't apparent visually.
There's a parallelism in strangers and in words.
With words we're indifferent to semantics (at least most of us are!) , we definitely don't know the definition of every word and there are words we haven't ever encountered- some archaic, some simple enough... We're perfectly fine communicating with strangers. We try to be politically correct, so we don't offend...we're polite.
But just like words. We don't know everything
The are more than a billion people. Different stories. Different experiences.
And what captivates me is that we'll never really know.
Even the people that are close to us. We'll never know everything really.
The enigma in everything, it scares me.
Sometimes i sit in the car and wonder about the world. Thats when i'm struck incapable of answering anything. At times i'm definitive....then my mind rewinds...i begin to think of the primitive world, the purpose of life.
And my mind can be blank or forever thinking in a time frame...which in length...i cannot comprehend.



Then i shift my thoughts to humanity. And how people are always in a different world, living in their heads. But inside its chaotic, too many tangles...its a jungle of thought...but all the knots aren't from complicated thinking...from a higher understanding of things, its a jungle naturally...a microcosm, one that parallels the greater world. A perfect reflection.


Examples
Me: Would you like a bag and serviettes?
Customer: I've already been served thanks.
Me: Yes i know, but would you like a bag and serviettes?
......

Here's another:
Me: Would you like a bag and serviettes?
Customer: Looks away. Shakes head.
20 seconds later
Customer: I didn't get any serviettes.


Or perhaps when you repeat an order, and they totally freak out because you got it wrong. Or when you repeat the order twice, and when they see their meal, they realise its wrong..then they totally freak out and scream.

straight line.

There's always that tendency to be something but your true self , to obliterate every idiosyncracy and drown all oddities. There's something tempting about fitting in. Fitting in... is so overated. But we've all wanted to fit in at some point in our lives. We all need friends...we all need to feel that sense of belonging. No one wants to be a loner.
Fitting in is such a cliche subject matter, and it was not my initial intention to write about it. I really do not know how i began to write about fitting in...its just that i feel as if i've changed so much in such a short period of time.
I used to be best friends with someone else, and we fought about nothing in particular...but ever since then i've changed so much. I like myself more than i ever did back then. I talk more now, i'm not that shy and i can actually laugh out loud without having to look back and wonder what people think of me.

I was overly self conscious.
And i wonder why.




When the oblivious become the obvious. (that's right)
I want to say so much right now, but often my own political correctness gets in the way or my inherent morals.
I don't want to say it. So i'll kind of walk in circles with implications left right and centre.


I've never had a boyfriend in my whole life. ever.
Owing to the fact that
a. I'm too shy
b. Feel that i'm simply not ready. I'm mature for my age, but i don't know what to feel. How to act. I'm scared of being changed.
c. I haven't met a boy that has truly liked me for me.
d. I'm not allowed to have one

But have you realised...how some girls just can't stand being alone?
Their happiness is soley dependent on their marital status. They go out with any guy that has managed to make them laugh...or someone who shares a single commonality with them.
Girls should be... not necessarily more independent...but aware.
back to the oblivious thing..
It's kind of obvious when you're chasing a guy around.
Alicia and I saw it... and we couldn't believe how plainly obvious it was to everyone else but her.
I think.. we are in that phase, where we do what everyone else is doing.
We're just in that mindspace.
I can't really blame her.
And i'm not even blaming her.
I'm just curious about these things.
What makes us need someone else? What makes us want to feel?
Why do we seek it, at our own costs? Why are some people mindless whilst in this search?

Why don't we just stay the way we are?
Its like serendipity really.



This is such a weird/random post.

time to lay claim to the evidence

blah blah blah
work in an hour.

last day of term one

events:

Alicia and I were singing in accents to the resolution (Jack's Mannequin) and safe to say (Valencia)

we had 'all my own work' five modules on plagiarism. I benefited, because i can now spell plagiarism :)

We got let out at 2.15 pm, and Hashill, Jawad, Cwiz and i went to the mall.
I had a mango smoothie at subway. yummm
ahahaa i was supposed to have a bubble gum gelato! but never mind that, i always change my mind, even when i'm so adamant about things.

We were waiting for the bus, and all i did was laugh.
We were even laughing on the way to the mall...
it was fun.


the bus ride home was freaking craazy.
poor jawad is still on right now, little kids attacking him.
they had a countdown, freaking screaming "5, 4, 3, 2,1 SCHOOL'S OUT"
aww reliving that moment makes my head hurt.

Aahahha and all we did was laugh at the bus drivier's music choice.
And jawad recounted the things that happened to him after we dogged him.
A guy complimented him "you have nice legs" LMFAO.
anyways jawad was like 'omfg please bus come.." under his breath.
then he opened his eyes and saw the bus and ran on...


oh my.

ahaha yay! school holidays.
happy easter all.

photo post. sorry i'm not good with sick alliterations.

i made this indie mask.

for broose the moose day

i'm gonna rob yaaaa!

"nooo have mercy" bahahaha i'm so lame

i can see half of one quater of my harry potter poster, and my stack of AP magzines.

this photo is indie. sunny weather. looks like its kinda fading. This is my street, on my way to the bus stop, can't remeber when.

saddle club pony! my big sister bought 13 of these, for her UNI friends. And she's making them easter basket things. Whilst exclaiming "i can't believe i'm doing this!"

current count: 4 "i can't believe i'm doing this!"

a few of em.

Today was pretty fun.
We totalus did not win Broose the Moose, but whatever.
We had a water fight!
And a sabotaged tug of war! ( tug o war)
My robber-esque attire was an apparent fail! But my mask was pretty cool.
I think my bee antenna headband is the reason i have a headache.
Anywho...

We got let out of school early, so
jess, jawad, cwiz, hashilly and i went to the mall.
I had a massive ice cream dipped in chocolate and nuts.
The lady also gave us samples of honeycomb! and made us put the licked sticks in this box. i asked her where it would go, but she didn't answer me. Probably the bin right? but i don't know....she was pretty shifty, and i was pretty suss!
Then jesss got a non melted gelato. for $2.80! and my ice cream was $3.00
I wish i had a bubble gum gelato...
We ended up dogging jawad...ahaha thats what he gets for relying on subway service! I had to chuck my ice cream in the bin, to get on the bus....totally missed out on eating the bottom of the cone (my favourite part)
sighhhh


Need to finish assembling all the furniture for our new study room.
Stupid ikea stuff!
I don't want to put my books in the new bookshelf :(


I feel like bike riding!



also i am missing two teeth.
i almost bled to death on monday.
AHAHAHA oh well....stupid dentist.

worky worky was sucky

freaking bourbon guy.
old man, that always wants a burboun with his meal.
Bourboun guy: i want a twister meal.
Me: what drink would you like?
Bourbon guy (who also happens to be a douche in a bag) : I want a burboun
Me: (for the 60 millionth time) Sorry we don't sell bourbon.
BG: i want a burboun
Me: We don't have burboun (60 million and onth time- if that even make sense)
BG: give me a pepsi, but don't give me a coke, i don't want that american shit.
Me- in my head: we don't even sell coke and pepsi is still american, dearest douche in a bag.
BG: And don't toast my twister as if its been xrayed for two seconds! last time it was burnt
Me: screams to danielle: DANIELLE! DON'T TOAST HIS TWISTER LIKE ITS BEEN XRAYED FOR TWO SECONDS.
Danielle: what?
I walk to Danielle
Me: Its the bourbon guy
Danielle: oh no, better make this good.


if its been xrayed for two seconds, it wouldn't even be toasted!!


I accidentally cut myself again.
i was stocking the freezer and the coleslaw container cut me, (as per usual)
then i asked Ben for a bandaid, and he totally took his time. yes let me bleed to death

breadhead wants to marry me, apparently.

baker's delight is right next to us on mall side, and they had this Easter thingo, and they had a real life muffin man, with a muffin head named breadhead, it says so on his hat.
anyways he's totally screwed up, offering me raisenbread samples while i was serving, and he started waving at me LMAO, and i was just like freaking out.
breadhead is freaky.
even zac didn't want to serve on mall side, stupid breadhead.
and they kept playing the bakers delight tune,
so freaking annoying.
i had to wear zacs hat, which was like...err to put euphamisticly decaying.

trying to make things relate

i've been procrastinating... right now is a great example.
Trying to write an english essay, due on Monday..... relating Ulysses speech on Degree and Antony and Cleopatra to leadership.
I've dot mapped everything, just don't feel like piecing everything together at the moment.
Math homework sucks, like 6 exercises on Geometry.
We even have HOLIDAY homework!
Term 1 of Year 11 finishes on Thursday!
two weeks holiday....yay for studying. ughhh

i have work in one hour.
oliver better have my freaking hat.

if happiness depended on four walls.

Books have the capacity to change.
Reading Fahrenheit 451 made me think.
It reminded me of The Wasteland except Ray Bradbury conveyed his perception of humanity more effectively, or at least his percpetion of where humanity is heading...
Hedonistic.

My Modern History teacher, said this today "Unfortunately books still exist"
she was talking about doing bibliographies or something, i wasn't paying attention until she said that, and i got freaked out, i get freaked out easily when i'm day dreaming.
The stupidest question i asked today was in Biology. I was sleeping, and i heard Mr. Biology teacher say "Mercury the planet.." and i'm like "Evander is Mercury a planet?" ahaha. I know my planets! it just came out of my mouth. I shouldn't nap in biology. Its one of my favouritests subjects :)


I really have no point.
But i can't stop imagining a crappy world like that.
Factoids. hedonism. dead people. shit.


This i getting fragmented but:


It's my dad's birthday and we're not really celebrating because he's in the Philippines till May.
Happy Birthday : )
Not that my dad would ever read this.

and thats where my strengths lie

i'm pretty happy, i've finally got reassurance, but that doesn't mean self doubt will completely abandon me, its always going to be there- sadly,

I've been pretty happy with my results for assesments. I got my extension essay back today! and i'm very pleased-god all that stress was worth it,

But i know i totally sucked at the math exam, which makes me sad everytime i think of it.

ughh stupid me.

Here are my biology doodles. because i am pretty proud of them : )

I did a pun cartoon for The Cannonization by John Donne, which Gyndee found very funny- i'll save it for another post. Its got this war canon, shooting cannon balls and the word- ization!

Chemistry was funny today.

"Shoot em with platinum...cos lead won't flatten em?" Something about shooting hippo's which is horrible. I don't know why mr chem teacher remebered something like that, however...he said hippopotimi. is that the plural for hippopotomous? sorry i can't spell.

the weather is sucky.

April fools!

The most eventful thing, that happened today... was getting locked out of the house.
In my food deprived state, i ate my textbook squashed vegetarian sandwhich and read Fahrenheit 451.

We went to the movies last night, and watched The Unborn. I absolutely hated it , freaking scary. I was under my cardigan 75% of the time. I only watched the parts where it was daylight. Then Anthony threw his popcorn all over us because he got freaked out, and when he was passing his popcorn to eloisa, we got showered all over again!
Funniest part.
I still think we should've watched Monsters versus Aliens, or that shopaholic movies.



i didn't think the day would come, when my immediate supply of eclipse orange mints ran out.