before you ask which way to go, remember where you've been

you can't put your finger on it.
but your heart can feel it.
you don't know what it is,
its something that beckons for discovery
something that will stray
if you let it go
if the feelings subside
they have a way of coming back
catalysts in the shape of experiences ignite this feeling.

to break the confines
to explore
to decide whether you want to sail or fly
to remark your destination,
to scream it
to shout it out so loud that no one can hear you
instead
they will feel you.
everything will shake
and your feelings shatter.
you'll get there in the end.
if only to be older.
and have personalities that guarantee better
than your money back
this
is
life.





i've always wanted to travel the world.
but there's this sense of urgency now. For a while i've felt regret, i feel as if i didn't live up the years everyone says your supposed to live up. I'm 16. there's a lot of time. but now i feel like i can't wait. Instead of looking back on what i've left behind..i'm now more excited at the propsect of change. Of going places. Of doing things. Of growing up.
Maybe?
These two years will be crazy. I can feel it. And i promise i'll make the most of it.
Because as much as you wish you were living else where,
somewhere you think is better.
And as much as you wish you could do something
something you feel you want to pursue.
You have to know you
You have to understand the things around you
the people who shape you
to get to that stage.
Everyone wishes they lived some place else. there's never really contentment.
We imagine ourselves in different situations, in different circumstances and at times we're so engrossed in these daydreams our eyes are shut to reality, to the things around us.
If only people realised that they have in their hands the capcity to get out of life whatever it is they want.

so here's to everything coming down to nothing....forever and always

so this magazine was supposed to have an all time low poster.
or i assumed by the picture on the first page.
and i spent $7.50 on this magazine, only to realise when i got home that it didn't even have a freaking all time low poster in it.
it had every other band EXCEPT all time low.
$7.50 on it ughhhhhh
FML!

Beverly explains how to fall up a mountain:
ughh basically you trip over a gigantic boulder :) whilst climbing up a steep hill.


i've decided i'd like to piano dance like Andrew McMahon.
he has passion..

he said i'm out of place and asked me what i'm doing here listen up!

so we had a biology excursion at George's River National Park.
wasn't too far away.
and it wasn't very eventful either.

i drew a tree in the animal section!
and then i fell up the mountain/ cliff thingo.

i tried to understand why the sunrise always hides your eyes...

chemistry assesment on Monday :)
today was okay.
just listened to valencia recess and lunch.
didn't eat meat-
brendan messaged me:
calling me and alicia nutty and he said he forgave us for waking him up !

i'm bored.


soy milk for life!

don't ever forget all the sleepless nights.

oh my.
i think i'll have to cut down on internet usage and blog time expenditure.
-laughs out loud-
because:
i have assignments.
yeah thats about it. most of my free time is spent writing blogs and sleeping on my chemistry text book. Ahaha it happened today, i was reading it on the floor and i just had a power nap.
i don't watch tv anymore. like in the morning i watch Sunrise- just to catch up with the world.
Sadface.

I would just like to express my desire to be in a band:
It seems so cool, right?
touring the world, doing what you love-
sigh i wish i was a musician.
i could be like a gal drummer or something.

two phone calls :)

i feel like i know them so well.
i still can't believe it, i just called Shane up on their phone. He told me how the bridge climb was expensive, but they went to the aquairum and syndey wildlife world.
hehehe they are currently at the new found glory sidewave.
he said he'll see me tomorrow at the concert, but i don't know if i'm going even though i said i was ! ahaha if my big sister goes, i shall go :)

anything for valencia <3
best band ever.

100th post is coincidently a photo journal : )

valencia got an australian phone number!

i screamed when alicia told me this morning, so before homeroom i rang them up,

and guess what?

i ended up waking brendan up, except i thought it was george...then when he said it was brendan alicia and i started screaming.

i apologised for waking him up :) then said thank you for signing everything and he remembered us because we had AP magazines and he didn't think they sold them in Australia and he asked me what show i went to and i said Sydney.

Wow right, i woke him up and heard his sleeping voice.

ahahah :) i felt bad afterwards. it was 8.30 am though.

sadface.

then i messaged him and realised their messaging thing broke down

peter has called them four times now because alicia tells him too. ahaha we called them again during sport.

Photo's!

Valencia

Me, alicia, brendan :)

- he is beautiful and so polite/kind

- thats my album he is clutching :) and alicia's sharpie ahahahah

- it was "ten dollars" in that american accent!

Alicia. Me. George.

When Shane sings its with raw emotion. He's soo tall

- i took heaps more pics. i didn't get to take one with JD or Max! but i got Jd's autograph and i spoke to him : )

Ace Enders

Other pictures to come. when my internet gets uncapped. sigh

and i'll breathe you in tonight, i'll find my own way home, you know i'll be fine

VALENCIA WERE THE ABSOLUTE BEST.
if i had only seen them at soundwave i would've been more than happy. I can't explain how amazing they were. It seems to me that the words: rad, brill, good, mad just don't cut it.

We waited heaps early. We watched the whole forty minutes of Inner Party System(i think thats the band) playing just to be right up the front in time to watch Valencia play. We were in the centre, right against the railing. Alicia first saw Brendan, then i saw Max. and we waved but they didn't wave back. Then Shane walked right past us. And i'm like woah. Its him. Its them. Its actually them. I've been singing to their songs in the shower, in front of the computer, everywhere.
It was like woah.
So we watched them set up. Like it wasn't even boring. Ahaha i took pictures of them doing that. I know sad right? but whatever. Brendan is very good looking. Everyone in the band is actually.
So when Brendan was in hearing range of us, and me and Alicia stopped arguing about who would ask, i said every so softly "brendaaaan" and he HEARD ME!!! he looked up, then i asked "can i please have a photo" and i pointed to my camera. ahahaha and he said "sure, later yeah?", but really politely ya know? and i was like "yeah SURE!" ahaha i was full smiling as well. He's so polite, i remember posting up comments from myspace from him.

So after setting up. They all got off the stage. And the we all need a reason to believe.... part of the song started playing. It was epic when they came on stage. It was like double woah.
So yeah THEY FREAKING PLAYED.
Holiday.
Where Did You Go?
Carry On
3000 Miles
Safe To Say!!!
The Space between--> last song they played.
It was mad. i knew all the lyrics, and i recorded it and took many many many pictures.
It lasted heaps longer than i expected. And for that i was glad. Shane was really positive, he was smiling at George, they didn't expect the crowd to be that big, nor did they expect that many people know the lyrics to their songs. Sigh, It was great.

Then they went off stage. I felt sad. Cos brendan didn't come back out. Then we waited for a while.


just in case?

you know?
just in case?







AND THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT.
because SHANE full went out.

then we went to shane.
we got a picture.
and i asked shane when they'd come back next. he said "american spring".
and i was like "so our autumn" stupid thing so obvious right?, then he was like "sorry what was that?" aahhaa and im like ahaha nothing and i just stared at my shoes.
woah right.
then we saw george!!!
we took a picture.
THEY ARE SO POLITE.
then alicia's uncle david was like "hey you haven't taken a picture with him"
i turned around and it was BRENDAN!!.
swoon! ahaha
then we took a picture.
Then we went back and we were like our AP magazines.!
so we got that signed.
then i saw brendan and he asked me where i came from, i said i was from sydney ahahaha. then i saw him holding a stack of their new albums.
then i asked him if they were selling it. and how much.
and he's like "ten dollars" it that very americanish accent, ahahaha.
So i was like in my head, that is the freaking cheapest album ever.
So i bought it.
and THEN WE GOT IT SIGNED ALL OVER AGAIN.
ahaha it was funny we just kept coming back.
then they signed it. even jd signed it, he came out. we didn't get a picture :(
everyone signed it except max.
then they had to go.
which was really sad.
then i found a guitar pick on the floor, it was a valencia one!!!
how mad.


i can't believe i actually met them.
they were so down to earth and casual, they spoke to everybody and they didn't have that air of superiority or anything. They were great. the best band ever.
and yes they are my favourite band ever. : )

i cannot believe how great they were.
pictures will be posted tomorrow :)
and maybe some videos tooo!

and if i ever let you go, i'm hoping that some time will show, that you're the one, you're the one for me

SOUNDWAVE WAS FREAKING CRAZY.

The best experience ever. The best part of my summer. Madina Lake were right in saying it would be absolutely rad.

If we had show and tell i don't think it would be possible for me to shut up or sum everything that happened in five minutes, or however many minutes is allocated.
In factual it was very difficult for me to control my self today. I wouldn't shut up. Sorry if was insufferable, give it about a month to wear off :)

I wasn't going to put a post up until i uploaded the pictures but that is impossible because this excitement is impossible to contain.

so i will try my best to sum everything up right here right now.
I went to Alicia's house at 8.45am, my dad dropped me off.
Then we were like full squealing cos we were heaps excited.
Alicia's mum packed me a raincoat and a chicken avacado sandwhich.
Eastern Creek was 15 minutes away, Alicia's Uncles: David and Frank drove us.

1. First band we ever saw was Madina Lake.
2. The first thing we bought were To Write Love On Her Arms wrist bands. And i bought a Love is the Movement tote bag. It was $20. I didn't know until the guy said so, LOL in his very American Accentish voice.
3. We bought merch!! i bought a Jack's Mannequin and Valencia tshirt. (the Valencia tshirt was like the Ramones one, with the American Eagle). They didn't have any Hellogoodbye tops. sadface.
4. Then we went to stage five (the best experiences were had on this very small stage- best stage out) and watched Ace ENDERS! the Riverboat Gamblers were playing prior to Ace Enders, and not many people were watching them so we went up to the very front railing to secure positions.
5. Whilst we were watching people set up, i saw ACE on the side of the stage!! i waved and he waved back!!!! can you believe that? i tapped alicia and she waved, but very retartedly cos she didn't know what i was on about. ahahaha.
6. We watched ACE ! he's mad. Then he pointed out how he made an EP for Australia only, so Alicia ran off to the lady who was selling it. She ended up getting the last one, i secured my position :) because i knew Jack's Mannequin were playing next.
THEN ACE CAME OUT TO THE FRONT. and we totally got pictures :) how lucky,
7. So we watched Jack's Mannequin, they were so freaking MAD. Seriously brill.
- Andrew sings with passion. I was thinking to myself if i ever saw a musician so passionate it would be him. And if i ever had a job i'd want to do it with passion like him. He loves music. And he makes beautiful music. I love it.
-They played Spinning, The resolution, Dark Blue....i was cut they didn't sing Miss California, but that was okay.
- Then when they finished Andrew chucked his bottle and me and Alicia got wet! ahaha it was mad. If you want my tshirt wet by Andrew's water it shall be on ebay for $150. LOL only kidding.
- I was partially deaf after it.
- i can't tell you how awesome i felt aftewards.

This is dragging on...
So anyways we saw Hellogoodbye. They didn't play Here in Your Arms, they played a few new songs and my favourite Bonnie Taylor Shakedown. We were in the centre of the mosh pit. it was crazy, and i hated it. the sun was burning me and i was being crushed. i seriously felt like i was near death. So we escaped and watched them from a distance. Forrest did his dance. ahaha i don't know but i felt kind of disappointed with hellogoodbye.

We also saw:
Forever The Sickest Kids. they sang hey brittany and she's a lady + more. It was mad!! they have so much energy and i loved how they came on stage. It was stage 1 so it was pretty hard to get upfront.
The Subways: We only saw a glimpse. the last song they played was Rock and Roll Queen. Good enough :)
Underoath: pretty mad. not the biggest fan but its just awesome to hear them play live. and the screaming was great. ahahaha.
We missed the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
We saw also:
New Found Glory
Say Anything
Houston Calls- they played after valencia. I heard them play sunrise goodbyes. which was mad. Then i walked past the stage afterwards and i heard one of the band members trying to make the audience jump up, because everyone was just standing there. they didn't have much energy in my opinion. But they were still good.
quote asian guy from houston calls. "im sick of this standing around" LOL.



my next blog will be about VALENCIA
THEY WERE THE ABSOLUTE BEST.
IT WAS SO MAD. FUN. EXCITING.
I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. AND I REALLY WISH I WAS STILL THERE.

he doesn't get it.

i can't sleep. so i'm posting this.
soundwave is today :)
i messaged alicia at 12.30 am, it was such a pointless message.
My internet wasn't working for five hours therefore i wasn't able to communicate via MSN.
I got disconnected, and tried to repair my freaking wireless internet for three hours, before i gave up and started studying for english.
I'm on my way to completing my chemistry assignment. Go me :)
I still don't know how i should seperate hydrated barium chloride and calcium oxide. Maybe i will ,once i research.
For modern history, i've decided to do the March on Washington.

I went to the dentist yesterday and he had to take pictures of me+teeth. I sure hope i don't get to see those photo's any time soon, because:
a. my hair really sucked, my mum told me so. She even handed me a brush whilst we were waiting.
b. the mirror confirmed the above.
c. I didn't know how to smile, teeth showing or not. I think for the close up i did a goofy smile, due to being indecisive.

i am talking to devenish right now.
She says a dragonfly tried to kill her.


Drangonflies are pretty. They totally own butterflies.
I don't actually see many butterflies. I once saw this Monarch looking butterfly. It was so pretty.
I see a lot of white ones.
Religion teacher said dragonflies have a lifespan of one day. He seems to know a lot about those kind of things.


My old house used to have this tree infested with lady beetles.
I use to put them in jars with holes, and put leaves for them to eat. I used to freaking touch lady beetles. I'm scared of insects now.


Beverly is currenltly listening to: Ready and Waiting To Fall- Mae (Multi sensory Aesthetic Experience)

soundwave tomorrow :)

Apparently we can only get one signing, from one band.
Tough.
I have to choose between Valencia, Hellogoodbye and Jack's Mannequin.
And its really tight because you have to buy signing tickets for two dollars at the gate, and there are only 100 tickets for each band.
But i'm getting tshirts for all three anyways!
So i'm going to buy heaps of merch!
And take heaps of photo's!
And have fun!
Alicia is currently cleaning her room for when i come over.
I'm going with her+her uncles.
Eastern Creek Raceway isn't that far, which is great.
I'm worried about the crowd.
Also Valencia and The Audition are playing at the same time, and i want to see the full forty minutes Valencia play. However Alicia wants to watch the Audition also. So we're cutting the time.

In response to something i read.

God is great.
God exists.
God is in every human and in every form of creation.
I find him in my heart and this i know is true.
I don't need facts. I don't need to see to believe.



I have truly realised the importance of having God in my life. At times i really do feel that he is with me, he is with me every step of the way. At times i feel that it is he, who proppels the belief i have in myself and it is he who makes me percieve things with optimism.
To rule out God's existence because there is suffering, is in my opinion, warranted.
People die- people die quietly, people die exhausting their vocal chords, people die screaming at the highest decible- people die.
The grief that comes with death is unbearable.
And i can understand why people are admanant that God is merely an invention of the human mind, so that we may see ourselves as significant.



You may think a God that is great will not allow any suffering to seep into the confines of our world from whatever hellish place suffering originates from. But God is great, because through suffering love is unearthed. When tragedy strikes in a community, people come forward and help each other. That is the beauty of suffering.
When we suffer, we face challenges but we come out as stronger people.
Suffering is a necessary part of life...
It plays an important role in this world.
God invented suffering for a reason.
God does not single out certain children and adds them to a predetermined death list because he believes they do not deserve life. Then why does he do it?
We'll never know. But to have enough trust in God, is to have enough faith and to have enough belief in him to realise that he knows what he is doing.
Suffering exists because its meant to, because a perfect world is no world. A world where there are no trials and tribulations is merely a pathetic excuse for lalala land. Through suffering, through war people are one step closer to finding peace. We learn from suffering. In all honesty if everyone lived forever and everything was perfect, what would the point of living be? We wouldn't be able to cry and we certainly wouldn't have a shoulder to cry on. We wouldn't feel the joy of someone caring for us, for someone having enough love to accept our pain and be there for us.
If there was no suffering the world would be perfect. We wouldn't be able to distinguish happiness from sadness, because sadness would not exist. It is suffering that gives meaning to our emotions. We are humans and we have the capacity to experience feelings.

We shouldn't question God's existence due to lack of evidence.
Some people do.
And its human to not believe in what isn't there.
But is also human to believe in something greater, something that transcends, something that created life.
For surely the ingenuity of science is not just coincidence.

If God doesn't exist, how do you explain love? How do you explain all the good things on earth? However little quantity of goodness you believe the earth has, how can good exist if there is no God?

How is it that the itracacies of this planet is just the work of science?
I believe in God.
I really do.
Because in everything beautiful you see, it's really God.

you'll never hear this song, you'll never the see the movie in my head

Soundwave is in two freaking days :)

Let me separate my day according to subjects.

Double English:
Fat bee zoomed into the classroom.

Chemistry
Could not have been more slow paced and boring. Needless to say, i drew my cute little pigs on Cwiz's chemistry book. She drew these rad cows on mine :)
Don't get me wrong, i love chemistry.

Modern History
I spent half the lesson colouring in a map of America.


Biology
We did a practical out in the sunshine!
I love biology. We did transects and quadrats on various weeds. For example: Rye and Clover. Wynona and I picked out patches of grass with a lot of the weeds we were counting. Totally defeated the purpose of random quadrats. We trecked! We went out into the gully and then went under the hall and then to this grassy area which overlooks bushland.
I was however very itchy, i sat on the grass. Big mistake


Mathematics
I love heart Quadratic Trinomials.
I didn't come to this conclusion during math. In factual (LOL!) i came to this conclusion whilst i was doing my math homework. I deem myself a good gal :)
I love math.

I realised you love yourself more than you could ever love me

this is random.
but have you ever felt like famous people really hate their lives?
It's such a stupid think to think about, but i was eating dinner and i couldn't help thinking of Brad Pitt. I don't know why though, he just popped into my mind. Then i began to recall an interview he had with Oprah, and i remember thinking he felt kind of uncomfortable.
Like everything he did/ his job was kind of superficial.
Its like his face is his biggest asset and that having fans know the exact whereabouts of his tattoo's was really
a. superficial
b. plain obsessive.


But whatever. I don't even like celebrities. Maybe some, but i don't know... i don't exactly worship them.
I've realised a lot of people do. Like i'm weird that way, i don't care what Blake Lively wears or whatever. I wish people would just let go of it. Like who gives a shit if she's pregnant. Like why spend so much time reading magazines on stupid things. It frustrates me, that people are so engrossed in the lives of others....wishing to be someone else.
I don't know where i'm going with this.
It's just annoying. Like what a waste of paper all those magazines are.

So i was reading my Chemistry Contexts text book and i found out something intersting.
The word limelight was coined from the way light used to be produced in theatres, back in the day they'd use calcium oxide and burn it or something- so it would produce light.

I felt compelled to blog.
I like expressing my thoughts.
However stupid and random they may be.




I'm taking my licence test tomorrow.
Wish me luck
<3

i'm calling out to you from the basement, i got a need to feel so I Shake! Shake!

i've just realised that The Subways are coming to Soundwave.
3 days!

Today was okay.
Math was pretty funny.
I was sitting there doing question fifteen for about five minutes. Sir was helping this other guy and i was just sitting there going "grr" about ten times. I couldn't do freaking question fifteen. So after he helped the other guy he came up to me and asked:
"Beverly are you okay? Do you need help? You sound like you do, i keep hearing grr from you!"
I was like "Yes".
So funny though. I was going to ask for help.
The question seemed so easy after he did it.
I like math :)

So anyway - Oh my! Autosave failed. And now its working again. Ahaha i'm a complete ditz.
School was mad.
Chemistry is so slowpaced and so is Extension English.
In Extension we're deconstructing T.S Elliot's Wasteland.
Sigh.
Its really complicated. I don't like poems where you have to read extensive notes and read into every allusion. It kind of kills the meaning , but at the same time you'll never know the meaning until you deconstruct it.
Chemistry is just lovely. Especially when your teacher gets mad after losing a two cent peice. We were using them to scratch various rocks. I don't blame him. I'd be pissed off if people failed to return my things.

Biology was rad. It was really nice and sunny and i asked Sir if we were going outside to do a prac, he gave me an unclear answer. Anywho our school is basically surrounded by bush and its rad cos we can go out to the gully and full test environments. Its really pretty :)

Don't forget about the blue skies, sunrise and all the space between

Yesterday morning i almost got run over.It wasn't like i was jay walking or anything.
The walk sign was freaking green. And the stupid mini bus with this stupid lady driving it almost freaking ran me over. She didn't even give freaking way. I don't trust traffic lights and i don't freaking trust people in cars. I wanted to freaking scream at her.


So yeah; now that i have ranted about the lady who is either visually impaired, plain stupid or lacks regard for the lives of freaking human beings, i shall write about other things.

Right now the sky is blue.
And i am feeling happy.
My homework load is light.


I have three assesments in total
English: Monday 23rd February
Chemisrty: Monday 2nd March
Modern History: Wednesday 24th March


I think for modern history i'll do the Black Panthers.
We have to Asses the contribution of your chosen individual,organisation,event to the Civil Rights Movement in the USA in the 1950's and 1960's.

I initially wanted to do JFK but thats just cliche. Everyone would want to do it. Also with the Black Panthers, there's a lot to say.

I haven't researched other people to do from the list like:
Stokley Carmichael
James Meredith
Thurgood Marshall


Maybe i should.

Anyways in Studies of Religion.
Dev screamed out she read my blog post. Then Sir just looked at me and said what? like i had an opinion about whatever he was saying. I didn't even say anything. I wasn't even looking at him. In class i flipped to the back of the book and wrote Gaskarth in cursive. I really like that last name.

Today he spoke about the various ways of killing cows and chicken.
It made me sick.
Sigh
Now my brain is filled with the unecessary.




Soundwave in 4 days!

shallow is as shallow does, some people never change.

You know whats phony?
Posing for pictures.
I agree with most of Holden Caufield's judgements on the superficial and phony
He's fictitious but i think J.D Salinger thinks all that stuff is phony too.
I know when i write things i donate a little bit of me to my characters. But he's a great writer so he probably knows how to mould characters that are entirely unique and have no ties with his world. I liked the part near the end where Holden said that if he was given a million years he wouldn't be able to rub off half of the "fuck you's" in the world. Totally true.

I actually played table tennis today on account of having no other option. It was actually fun.
I mostly laughed at myself.
I had an idiosyncracy realisation today. I laughed at that discovery also.
I also laughed in math.
Actually i giggled.
Sir said "Mr. Potter, is absent" and i just immediately thought of Harry Potter. Sir has this commanding voice and he's got a very sophisticated European accent that basically demands attention-so i listen-and yeah then i giggled because i thought of Snape saying "Mr. Potter".

I really miss biology A. Biology D is great and all but i miss my friends. And the awkay tally. Sir had said awkay 81 times. But he was still rad.


In english i realised i'm weird. I've read a lot of classics and i highlighted a lot of books from the "books you should read" list she gave us. Fairenheit 451 is on there. I should read it sometime.
I've always wanted to.
Also she always alludes to Great Expectations.
So that too.
I have to go to the bookstore now.
Not now.
But soon.
And soon as in the weekend.
Not now now.
Yeah.


Reading that must've been annoying.

He thinks he's so damn fine. But he ain't worth a second of my time.
I dislike him.
Full Stop.

If I could ever see the way you understand me.....take these last six candles

There's a tree outside the window.
To the left hand side of the room, back row seat, near the window of Room 11, you have a perfect view of this tree. I sit there. And contemplate whether the eucalypt looking tree is prettier or the green tree with ferny looking leaves is. I wish i knew their names. Tree A vs Tree B. I'll decide tomorrow during Extension Class. If i manage to secure that seat. Not promising anything.

Basically.
I'm confused about English.
I'm trying my best.
And i'll try even harder.
Its just different when anything and everything you wrote before was good enough for an A and now everything you write is just average. Or a B.

I have to adapt.


My friends are the best. They know how to comfort people and make them happy.
I wish i could do just that.
Why do i lack empathy.
Why do i suck at being comforting.

Studies of Religion was depressing. I miss my old class. I would laugh the loudest at Sir's jokes. He would read the text book in different accents. He'd wipe the brick wall with a white board rubber thing and say he was rubbing off non existent grafitti. And his many ice cream fridge analogies.
My new teacher spoke about how this lady microwaved her cat, how funerals are expensive, how hindu women used to be burnt alive when their husbands died like in the last century or so. Something like that, i was too concerned about the view outside to absorb every significant thing he said.
He's probably a good teacher. I just wan't in the mood to make judgement.


Recess and Lunch was spent listening to Tonight- FM Static. Shandy guessed right.

I don't like being sad.
But sometimes that pit is so tempting.
So easy to fall into.



You know what annoys me?
Answering the phone.

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight, And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait

Work 12pm-5pm
Consisted of:
-Hearing 30H!3 on the radio. Which was like What On Earth! Like Oh My Freaking Gall Bladder!
- Discussing boating licences with Sasho during my break and Zac's many ipod phases.
- Eloisa suprising me after work. As soon as i clocked off i saw her. And i hadn't seen her since Novemeber 08.
- Teasing Phumon about her infatuation with her 20 year old tutor.
- PK scaring the crap out of me. I was in the cool room stocking the drinks and he just came out of nowhere.
-Stewart coming in and saying hello. He had a clearance balloon which he said he stole off the ceiling. It was one of those rad foil balloons.



Home
-Watching movies with Eloisa and Anthony.
-Reading The Catcher In The Rye and smiling at the Great Gatsby allusion, old sport
-Finishing my extension english homework.
-Listening to FM Static.
-Talking to Alicia






Soundwave is in Seven days.

San Fransisco is 19 hours behind Sydney.
Thats like woah.
I'm in the future!
Hi Shandy!

when it all comes down to a sunrise on the east side.

In the silence unintelligble words are uttered. Sweat drips, glands are on overdrive. He hazards a creak at the door and he hears enough to understand. They must leave now and continue the search later.
A million atmospheres fall down on them, sounds of footsteps beating on the linoleum floors render the silence non existent. They must run. Flee. Escape.
For their lives. He wears a pained expression. She clutches the peice of paper, eyes surveying the room, fear binding the two. In the half light he kisses her. Her lips twitch and she throws herself out the window.
Her wings save her.
He dives down, his hair wind blown.
The find each other and run.
They did not realise how their lives had just changed.
No longer part of the Academy.
They are nothing.













I dreamed this a couple of weeks ago.
It was the best dream i've ever had.
Sorry if it doesn't quite make sense.
I'm working on the story.
And the above is pretty sucky i must admit.
In my sleepy state thats the best i can do in five minutes..
good night all <3

swing swing from the tangles of....

here are interesting facts about me:

- When i sleep with socks on i always wake up with one pair missing, which 90% of the time will be found under my pillow, for reasons currently unknown and unclear
- i can't sleep in a feotal position.
- i sing along to british indie with an accent.
- i draw rainbows using a protractor.
- i have a gaskarth-esque beanie which will be worn everyday during winter :)
- i am in love with all things Harry Potter
- i'd do anything albeit the gross and totally unecessary to go to an all time low concert
- I love to read!
- i'm trying to get my room to become a life's library like Alaska Young
- also i allude to things that you probably wouldn't get
- when i write blog posts the titles are parts of songs i'm currently listening to.
- I adore my ZY jeans.
- i have a dog that can't bark.
- i have one dimple. actually i have two but i have to smile like a half crazed maniac for the second to be visible.
- my writing style is dependent on the pen i'm using. My favourite one's are the thin pointed one's that are like a dollar for twelve from COLES!
- i'm heaps organised.
- my favourite magazines are TIME and ALTERNATIVE PRESS
- i was born in the Philippines.

i'll give you my heart on a string.

happy valentines day :)

today consisted of the following.
- going to get dental xrays.
- doing math homework
- writing chemistry notes
- going to work/ doing bin run in the rain with SAM!/ standing around/ watching Corinne do washup.

i cant believe myself, im wishing to be anyone else, and im feeling like all this hell might shape something good in the end.

i miss my freaking old biology class.
with alicia and cwiz...
i want to go back.
But everything happens for a reason right?


i had extension english.
deconstructing T.S Elliot's Wasteland.
Then writing like a 300 word response for homework, which will be marked.
Assignments are happening....




BIO i loved your for more reasons than one.


Modern History. So i'm in a new class but same teacher. The class is bigger...miss my old class........... at least i sat next to someone i knew like Lanie.
OMG then there's Studies of Religion.
GRACE! she's rad. we'd discuss epic things and music.





TEARSSSSS

this sucks.
for real.

untitled.

blow a bubble of bitterness towards the sky,
and when the rain falls hope for something greater.












sigh.


inadequacy.

crack the shutters.

Stop freaking acting like you're above it all.
Even if he did talk to me i'd be a better brick wall than him.
I shouldn't care but i feel like he's doing it on purpose.


I went to work :) I replaced Danielle's shift.
ASMITA was at work! i've missed her, she is the best! We spent the whole night laughing.
Stewart/ burger boy used the time gun and instead of putting the dates he wrote fag and stuck it on everyone.
I laughed out loud at Sam's waterlogged hands, wash up kids get it tough i must say.


I came home at tenish.
Then ALICIA messaged me asking what type of shoes she should wear tomorrow. I thought what a lost one Broose Moose was cancelled, we wear normal uniform. THEN EVERYONE made clear that it was mufti- i seriously would've gone to school in my uniform.
I guess i didn't hear the announcements in my depressed state.
I'm leaving school early tomorrow:
miss out on Chemistry and Math :(


I need a hair cut.
Zac called me emo countless times!

much ado about nothing

today was a mess.

Broose Moose was postponed due to bad weather
Plus side is that i don't miss out on anything when i leave early for an
orthodontist appointment tomorrow.

I had a math meeting at C1 during recess.
I expected an Assesment or something.
I was WRONG.
The meeting was for bitter news.
People in Advanced Math Classes like me, were being moved into a new Math Class, Adv. Math C. Three people from my math were being moved.
At this point i knew i would be one of the three, i just had that feeling.
So the invevitable happened. I felt picked on. I really did. Like i was singled out. I felt like crying because my timetable is always being screwed around with. Take for example not being able to do thirteen units and losing my EXTENSION ENGLISH.


Third period i had an english pre test.
I think i did okay, except i didn't finish. I didn't expect to, considering my sucky disposition.

So i cried in fourth period, i was really liking math, i had a great teacher and now i was being moved. It was just too good to be true, to finally have a great math teacher and actually love math. So i half listened to the librarian tell us where the religion books were found in accordance to the dewey decimal system. 290. I guess i really was listening aye?


Then during lunch i decided to visit the cirriculum coordinator along with Jessica and Jenny who happened to be moved classes as well. We were all a bit teary, he heard us out- something i didn't expect. Then he after discussing with deputy principal came back.
I asked him. "So there's nothing you can do?" and he said point blank. "I'd guess i have to put you all back"

Then he put Jenny and Jessica back to their normal classes, Because Jess got moved bio, geography classes as well and jenny just bio.
Then he came to me, and i told him about how i wanted to do extension english.
He asked me what i got for english in the SC. I said 95. Then he said 'woah' and he said "you should be extension then".
So in like two seconds he put me in an extension class. I didn't have to wait for next week to change my subjects. I was over happy but still worried about losing a great math teacher.

THEN
Coincidently i happened to have period 5 Math and Period 6 Biology. I should've had Period 5 biology and period 6 math.
So then i attended these classes, and guess what? my math teacher is GREATER, and BIOLOGY teach is even better than my old one.




Oh the dramatic irony.

pop off a cork for wednesday.

i suck at advice.
i don't know what to say when people go through those kind of things. i've never been in the situation. I would like to help and my shoulders there but still i want to say something. Anything.
I can't though because what i say will either totally suck or sound so uncaring. But i do care :S


i'm so bitter sometimes.
he's the biggest snob. we can't even talk normally.
not like anything happened or i did anything. We were heaps close in a friend kind of way.
What is wrong?

Be still my heart

I woke with the strangest feeling this morning, I was cold.
Grey skies signifying another dreary day.
I couldn't live it up jumperless. Today must be a crumb off the winter cake, i asked for it whole and i'm glad i didn't even get a slice. It wasn't even that bad actually.
I've realised i write about the weather too much and i think its because the weather is just so in your face, so blog worthy. Perhaps its just the format of my posts.
Anyway,
I was confused in chemistry, we were going over homework and this guy wrote his technique for seperating a mixture on the board and all i know was that iodine was solubule in hexane and i kept shouting "iodine is soluble!" because he seperated it through filtration and put an arrow saying that iodine was seperated and no longer part of the mixture. NO ONE LISTENED TO ME and it took Mr. Chemistry teacher a while to decode what he had written on the board.



Maybe Mr. Chemistry teacher should just give us the answers to avoid confusion.
Just a thought.

I had table tennis today, definitely not my first preference.
Alicia, Josh and I stuck together. Alicia and I didn't feel like playing so we sat and began to recreate songs for relevance.

The Way We Talk- The Maine
"Geeky laugh, smart brain, he's got em in a craze!"
ahaha our lyrics make us laugh and we're lame and whatever if they don't make sense.

About A Girl- The Acadmey Is
"I'm not gonna waste the words.... about a (insert name of choice)"

Josh thought we were weird.

Then after being weird we didn't stop. We went to the basketball courts and i started to leap like a ballerina and Alicia followed suit except she's an actual ballerina so she could full pirouette and stuff. My leaps sucked. Not many people were there so we weren't making complete fools of ourselves.

So we actually played basketball. Kind of.

let me express my disappointment by writing this post

"Oh my freaking gall bladder" was my initial respone to gaining a new follower. I think. I like to say that and i like to think i made it up, but i'll never know for sure- because:
a. It could have seeped into my subconscious from something i glanced at or momentarily listened to.
b. There is no universally acknowledging dictionary of coined expressions. I think.
c. Considering there are a great many people in this world the likelihood of such an expression being exclaimed is quite high.
d. Maybe its already entered the mainstreamn and i being ignorant to the many colloquialisms of different countries have failed to realise this

So after responding in such an inoffesive manner. Sorry gall bladder. I was disappointed to realise that Jimmy was my new follower. Sorry Jim Circuit.
Jimmy is however very rad. Today during study period he was helping me with my math homework and we got in trouble. Homeroom teacher gave me a death stare like hardout.
So he was very disappointed in us, which was evident in his expression "This is not partenership STUDY!" .
But i learnt something. That oughta count.
I bought Catcher in the Rye today by JD Salinger.
I can't express my love for American Classics. I heart the Great Gatsby <3.
I like Bronte and Austen Classics, but most english classics bore me.
And i've only read one Russian Classic, so i can't say much.

i'll swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun.

The bushfires have been the worst ever: surpassing even the extremity of the Ash Wednesday bushfires.
I didn't think it was possible, i've been complaining incessantly about the weather but i didn't think of anything but my comfort. I didn't think that bushfires could kill over 108 people (death toll is rising) i just didn't think they could be that bad.
I can't comprehend how much it would suck to lose everything, even life. It really hit me when the news reports told of how people were trying to escape and most of them died in cars, whether through the crashes caused by negligent driving (stress of situation affecting driving) or through the inferno that engulfed them.
There hasn't been anything of this magnitude before.
Australia's the lucky country; bushfires and droughts are the only two serious natural disasters that we're exposed to.
The bushfires are in Victoria and despite the fact that i live in a completely different state i'm worried! it could happen in NSW too.
I hope everything's okay and that the bushfires die out fast because the news reports are depressing.



Other news:

- I had this novel worthy dream
- there was no sun today. It was semi-cold :) and i lived it up jumperless.

scribbled out the truth with their lies

Work consisted of:
1.Discussing ska and No Doubt's return.
2.Sam drinking five cans of softdrink.
3.Riding trolleys with Sam and Mariah. It was 8.50 pm and we were in the car park near the bins riding aimlessly for a while.
4. Dragging the chairs in after close; it was still humid.
5. Realising that it wasn't going to get busy.

6. Making two burgers.

I'm working again tomorrow 12pm-8.30pm.

I like close shifts on sundays!

I wonder why the store's not busy anymore. Financial crisis?
Our shifts got cut by three hours. I work 3 hours a week now: how pointless yet great.


15 days till soundwave.
Lets hope there's no heat wave.


Come hither winter.
This summer is burning me.

when i fumble over words you smile. you kiss my cheek and say i like your style

So my english homework is lacking a paragraph.
I'm still trying to make up my mind about which concept of identity i should choose.
I don't want to continue because:
1. I'm indecisive
2. I feel like twirling in a ballerina-esque way. I don't know why. And if i do so it'll be fun and i'll never want to stop.........
3. There's a 300 word limit.
a. I will have to shorten my sentences, sentences that i am happy with. Sentences that are like elements- cannot be made simpler.
b. I'm currently at 290 words.
c. Word limits are like chains on those that love detail.
d. However word limits prevent circumlocution.
e. I love waffles
f. This list is losing relevancy


This post is me procrastinating.


I miss running through the sprinklers and water fights.
Water restrictions- poor kids who will never experience frolicking LEGALLY.

here's a little heart for you

Douse yourself in a fragrance reminsicent of someone else,
Wear those glasses because through it you see a world: no longer pixelated, void of problems
There's a mask on the mantle; take it and find contentment
It fits perfectly,
So dance
and
chase away....
your identity
Shower in glitter turned glamour
but still the spotlight
finds you
unveils...
captures you
a bugs net,
its fits perfectly
.... identity promises to transpire
If you wear your skin.

i'm not gonna waste these words....

The hottest day tomorrow in the WHOLE universe will be here in New South Wales.
According to the radio.

Today was ....lack of a better word: HOT!

Homeroom:
Alex who loves to sing, sang a song about his pens and the fly that wouldn't go away. He got his new pens yesterday and he said as soon as he got home he did his physics homework then did an extra exercise of math just so he could use them! Andrew tried teaching me the gangster handshake again...i can't seem to grasp it!

Double Period of English:
Spent in the library with air con!
It was blissssssss,

Recess: We managed to upset Josh. I am not part of the We.

Openning Mass: Periods 3-4

Lunch: Stood in the canteen line for twenty minutes to buy an icy pole.

Period 5: Math.
Binomials

Period 6: Biology.
Someone left their folder back in class and my bio teacher told me to return it to C3. I didn't know where C3 was so i asked this year 12 guy who was walking past, he decided to take me there instead of point in its general direction. So we got to C3 and the classroom was empty. Then i looked at the girls time table on the folder and she wasn't even in c3 she was in room 10. I was perfectly capable of walking to room 10 but the guy was like "i might as well walk all the way cos i'm late anyhow". The Year 12's are nice.
Then i walked back to the science building and biology was HOT.

Every drawing that i drew were never ever as cute as you!

Photo Day! - Apathy.

+41 degree's celcius Day!
- Complaining. Fanning myself. Complaining. Remarking "It's Hot!" in an attempt to complain/ to beging complaining.
- No Air Conditioners. Considering it's a private/catholic school there is nothing to consider.


I Got A Harry Potter KEY RING DAY
- Its beyond adorkable.
- He has glasses and Gryffindor School Robes! and the famous scar...
- I attacthed it to my backpack! And he dangles, is that a word?



I momentarily forgot the word Antithesis.
I hate that feeling, when the word you can't recall is just dancing along the edge of your mind. Then you ask around and no one else knows and those that do can't remember and you've just screwed them over. Please people if you ever forget a word don't ask me, because its painful. I try to avoid such situations by compiling a list of easily forgotten words/ Words i've forgotten momentarily.

the mixed post.

its confusion and self doubt
a concotion that buries the decisive, the firm, the believers
into a pit of non existent worry
there's dirt in my eyes
and the more i try to blink it away ....
and the more i try to pretend its not there...
...it grows dark and the night's crusade for dominion washes over
and i'm already trapped.
But i'm different
i'm determined...

More

So i forgot to include some themes.

- Emo's
- Emo Barbie
- Emo Fairies.
- Favourite food
- White

LOL!

blog worthy moments.

So we had homeroom for two hours today, on account of our sport selections not being finalised. i just hope i don't get my second prefrence which is table tennis, because i put it down by accident, if you believe that!

So during homeroom we had to decide what theme our homeroom will dress up in for Broose Moose Day (this year 11 social gathering-which includes such activities as "musical boys"...weird but yeah.) so i'm not lying when i say that it took two hours for our HOMEROOM to decide. It involved a lot of screaming and a lack of democracy. Our homeroom teach didn't care, like he was just full staring aimlessly at the brick wall. So yeah we wrote down the themes: fairies, construction workers, bogans, nerds ( i voted for nerds!), mr. homeroom teach LOL!....
Then after 45 minutes of continous screaming in which all votes were being ignored Mr. Homeroom teach decided to intefere. No one wanted to let go of fairies, so he put down construction fairies...like wtf. Then someone screamed out gangsters and EVERYONE agreed to that LOL! but then the girls who insisted on fairies were like FAIRY GANGSTERS!
So we umm THEY i should say settled on fairy gangsters after i came back from the bathroom (i'm never going again my homeroom teach full signed my diary and its RUINED now, all that neatness). Then this guy came in to get down our theme for like the third time. We told him it was fairy gangster and then someone was like no! Cops and Robbers. Then everyone agreed to that instantly. Then that became our theme, Jimmy suggested this earlier and no one listened MUAHAHHA- he was full like "im the best".
Then Alex started cracking jokes. "What happened to the girl who slept with a pillow on her head?" ...."The tooth fairy came and took out all her teeth!" LMAO i like laughed so hard.



GAH i'm going to do my chemistry homework now.

Some thoughts.

Modern History is rad.
We're learning about the Civil Rights Movement and then British Imperialism. I'm so glad that its not Australian History.
I've learnt like a million things just from reading a sheet of paper :)

Brilliant

I'm currently addicted to Hum Along- Ludo
_____________________________________________

Maybe you'd be kidnapped by pirates
And they would take you to their hideout
As pirates often do
But I'd find the secret map
And I would vigilante-bushwhack
Through the jungles of Peru

Just to save you and I'd take you north to Mexico
Where you would tell me your life story on the steps of a Mayan temple
Where we'd camp singing nonsense songs in 12 bars to the jaguars, until you'd sense me
Your eyes convincing, and I would kiss you like a hero in the half-light
Dryer sheets and peach shampoo, the smell of palm leaves, I'd sleep against you
Until the natives found us, but they would crown us king and queen
And we could stay there, spend our days there, eating guava by the sea
And I could understand your views and you could fall in love with me


____________________________________________


those guys can write.
its beautiful !